Bracelet Dream

In my deepest sleep, I drive to the jewery store to bring a bracelet that I found in my mother's jewelry box. It is beautiful, but broken. As I walk in, I see the jeweler, but a more curious sight behind him. There is a darker shadow, just behind him. As I draw closer, I realize that this is the shadowy image of my mother. I pull out the bracelet to be repaired, and it has transformed into something completely different than what I brought in. My mother's shadow leans in over his shoulder to take a closer look. I can't understand why she is here. I look down at the hand beaded squares of the bracelet and they are no longer there, but replaced by several brilliant diamonds and dirty and scratched squares. I look to my mother and ask her clearly in my mind,"What are these ?", in disbelief of how drastically the piece of jewelry has changed. She calmly replied to me in such a quiet and sad voice. "The first jewel is the day I married your father." The first diamond is followed by several of the ugly squares. "The jewel here is the day you were born, and the jewel in this spot is the day of your brother's birth." She continued on as she did not speak of the squares that are deeply damaged. I follow along the bracelet and there are 3 diamonds in a different formation, lined up side by side in a horizontal fashion. "These are the days the grandchildren were born." I looked at the bracelet again. There were no more diamonds, just squares of damage.. I looked up and all that I saw in her shadow were her eyes. I will always remember her eyes. How sad they were. There was a longing in them that I suddenly understood. They faded, and the shadow was gone. I was standing alone, everything disappeared around me. I was left with the thought that she had just told me her life story through the bracelet.

No matter what your politics are, his favorite recipe is awesome!

No matter what you think about President Ronald Reagan, I found his favorite recipe and it is great! Nothing fancy about his tastes!

Ronald Reagan's Macaroni and Cheese

1/2 lb macaroni

1 tsp butter

1 egg beaten

1tsp seasoned salt

1tsp dry mustard

3 cups of grated sharp cheese

1 cup milk

Boil macaroni in water until tender and drain thoroughly. Sitr in butter and egg. Mix mustard and salt with 1 tablespoon of hot water and add to milk. Add cheese leaving enough to sprinkle on top. Pour into bttered casserole, add milk, sprinkle with cheese. Bake at 350 for about 45 minutes or until custard is set and top is crusty.

How Could I Have Missed This?????

Oh my gosh, how did I miss this! I have been thinking all this time that time with God at home or with his beautiful creations would bring me stress relief! NOW studies have proven that Bath and Body Works had the answer all along, and I would have missed it if I had not gotten this flyer in the mail! All I have to do is rub this onto my pulse points (where exactly are all of those things???) and I will be stress free. I feel betrayed by friends, my pastor, my church family and even my doctor for not filling me in on this sooner. I am heading to the mall right this minute to buy 20 bottles of this stuff. Just think, all those prayers at night that brought me peace..wasted time. Trusting God to bring me through dark nights of the soul because He loves me...finding strength to get through those tough days of subbing with His constant presence? Focusing on all the blessings of my life instead of my worries? Forget about it! Who needs to focus on that stuff when all I have to do is open the bottle and rub it on a pulse point! It just proves that time spent with Christ is one more unnecessary time waster in my days and nights of living life on this earth. Bless you Eucalyptus leaves! This will also save me time,energy AND money because this stuff will save me from using gas to go to the ocean to breathe in the beauty and climbing up to the Falls at Yosemite to feel the spray of the thundering Falls on my face! Heck, I don't need to exercise by taking a walk through the orchards at sunset or sunrise with the breeze gently blowing , and contemplate the gift of this one life he has given me! OK, so God created Eucalyptus leaves for a reason, but a free sample of aromatherapy on my pulse points is just not gonna solve the issue of lowering my stress level, although it might help...a little. Praise God for the moments he gives me every day to be loved by him as I work out stress relief His way. And it is AOK to buy that stress relief therapy, it smells GREAT. :)

Life is either a daring adventure...or it is nothing.
Helen Keller

Great Great Grandma Sophronia's Bible.....

This was my Great Great Grandma Sophronia's Bible. It is a treasure to me, with its torn and weathered pages and broken binding. It brings me great hope. My mother's family held a common faith of serious teachings in the 1800's. Sanctification, Hell's threats and also heaven's great promises. I found poems in the front of her Bible that gave me a glimpse into her thoughts. There was even an advertisement for Bromo's Laxatives, that was guaranteed to cure a cold (?) in 24 hours. I yearn to know more about her life.The Psalms were read the most it seems. I cannot imagine the life she lived during the 1800's in Nebaska. She passed away in 1905, leaving at least 90 years of life on earth behind her. She found her comfort in this book, it seemed that she treasured the hope of life after death the most. She had many children, stayed faithful in marriage, lived life without luxury or financial security, and it gives me peace in knowing that faith has been strong in my family since the days of the Pilgrim's crossing to America and even before that. God's word helped her survive all that life brought. I know that there were tragedies and anguish, secrets unspeakable, and joys of life . Nothing else remains of her life here. How do I reconcile the fact that her family and generations to come were inflicted with mental illness, strict and frankly what I find to be odd religious teachings? I recognize that no matter what, God's word still stands, and regardless of sin and sorrow, it holds the answers for all that comes to us. Peace, redemption, grace and hope. May my Bible be found in such shape when future generations discover its contents. I pray that this book continues to help break the chains that have bound us.

Where Do I Start?

Today I started cleaning out my parent's house. On the outside, the house looks beautiful. On the inside, the home was jarring to me as I walked through the neat and clean home and began to look in closets. So many things we hide away. Boxes of memories, painful to find, some bittersweet, some bringing laughter. Just like the lives.that represented them A box of my childhood accomplishments, a box of mean spirited correspondence, dolls from 4 generations of women who struggled to find solace. 50 years of Christmas decorations. Newspapers, the last one my Grandfather was holding when he had his stroke, the assasination of JFK, RFK, but no MLK, obituaries, strange human interest stories from years ago, Nixon's resignation, an announcement of a scholarship I had won in college, stories with quotes in them my brother had made to the press. So much bereft of emotion. Accomplishments? They were so proud. Emotion? Found only occasionally in diaries. Where in the heck did I come from?? Emotional should have been my middle name. I searched and searched for a fondness for me, a love for me, a word written on page to tell others that I was loving and kind, silly and funny. A story that told of our love for each other. I found secrets and pain that had been held onto for years. Hundreds of books that held meaning to me through every age. For almost three months I made this pilgrimage to a home that was full of you name it and yet it felt so empty. Baby clothes she made for me and my baby books were filled with love. Less and less as I grew older., except for my first driver's license, my report cards, and a few of my stories. When I walked through the house for the last time, viewing all that was there, in my mind, from my perspective, there were so many beautiful collections, nice furniture, memories of things used. Yes, there were at least 10 boxes of pictures, I hope to find more love in those boxes. I have not been able to open them since I picked out pictures for the memorial. I want to find more of me in a selfish sort of way, something of love that does not fit into a newspaper article or a piece of clothing or a book. Maybe that was all they could do, knowing the pain of their pasts, maybe I need to find peace in the pieces. I must believe there was love in the ruins.

The Promise of Spring

My heart takes in a new breath as I watch the Spring Flowers begin to bloom. What is it that makes the colors of Spring so fresh, so colorful, so joyful? Something about the Winter must dull our senses and as Spring appears, we remember that there is new life always to be found after a bleak Winter. There are always new beginnings to be discovered, whether they are planted with expectancy in the Fall, or they surprise us and just appear.

The Future

I am looking at the future, and it is a wonderful thing to see. Andy was invited by one of his favorite directors; Scott Derrickson to sit on the set of a film that he is directing. We flew to Vancouver and he was able to shadow and listen in on the filming and blocking, talk to propmasters, CGI creators, stand -ins and costumers and Scott Derrickson's assistant. I thought as I sat and watched everything go on around me. Will this overwhelm him, or inspire him? The atmosphere on set was tremendous. I am sure that there were times that tempers would flare, but Andy watched a great example of a director who was very grounded and respectful of all those he worked for. The more I watched him work, the more he reminded me of Andy, so focused, so intense, but with a strong sense of confidence and humor. This is my favorite picture of the trip, Andy watching the two directors blocking some shots. Andy left even more inspired to pursue what he believes is a call to film direction. I dream and pray this for him as I watch him grow and become a man who knows to trust God with his dreams. It is a gift to be his mom.

Mom

Mom left earth for eternity last week. It was so fast that it is hard to process my feelings and thoughts right now. Joy in knowing she is with Jesus and my Dad whom she missed so very much. Sorrow deep within that has only surfaced during the strangest moments. Compassion for knowing how much she went through, peace in looking back at how God seemed to be so involved in the details when she left. She had friends, new and old. She was going out more. The day before she died she was able to share her unused airline ticket to send her oldest grandson to Vancouver on a trip the trip of his life (so far). I called her to tell her how grateful and excited we were to be able to go. It was a really great conversation. The last few months we made some terrific memories together. John and I took her up to Apple Hill in the Fall. It was such a beautiful day and we actually talked her into buying a shirt she liked. I felt a great sense of accomplishment that day! She is even wearing it in this picture that I took at Thanksgiving. The holidays were the best we had been able to share in years because she was feeling better, and we all felt better too. I honored my mom. God says that every mother is worthy of honor. I wish I could have had time to say goodbye, that I could have looked in her eyes and really see her say she loved me, not to hear, just to see. The song "Beauty from Pain" has been running through my mind since last Thursday when I held her hand and kissed her goodbye. I really hope that she heard me tell her I loved her. The Dr. said that she couldn't, but only God knows.

After all this has passed

I still will remain.

After I've cried my last,

There'll be beauty from pain.

You will bring beauty from my pain.

King is King

Dale was chosen as Mr Atwater last night! What a fun night with a happy ending. Of course Andy filmed the whole thing and we were all there to cheer him on as he read his own original poetry...such as "Man in my Trash Can". He led an AHS cheer in the spirit competion as the crowd responded with wild enthusiasm, and when asked if he could choose the brain of a famous woman to inhabit his own, after a brief thought came to his head, that he would NEVER want a woman's brain, he responded with "Super Woman, because she must have super brain power!" My favorite moment was as he appeared in the swim suit competition with a shower cap,towel around his waste and the rubber duckie from our hot tub. He proceeded to pretend to shower and turned around to see the crowd and almost fainted from surprse. No, that really wasn't my favorite moment. The best moment was when they called his name as the new Mr. Atwater. The good guys still do win. :)

My Winter Rose

I walked out the door this morning and was taken by a winter rose in my front garden. It had rained all night, actually it had rained for a week with only spots of sunshine, but here was one rose, the only flower in my garden. Daniel gave me this rose bush when he was two years old for Mother's Day. I wanted to remember it. On this dreary, cold day, God blessed me with the gift of a Winter Rose. Unexpected. Beautiful. Simple. Isn't that just like you God to brighten my day like that. Thank-you for every gift that comes to me in this way. May I never be too busy to notice.

Storms

Last week we had storms. One right after the other. Beautiful dark rolling clouds. About every two hours the sun would burst in and it looked like heaven sought to break through the darkness. Often times we as Christians speak of the storms of life. We speak of how storms come and go in life, that God allows these troubles, and we proclaim how he gets us through them. The sun will come out tomorrow, right? How does he actually do that? Many people believe that the Bible tells us that God will not give us anything we cannot handle. That is a wrong assumption, there is no verse in scripture that gives us that promise. I believe that God does give us more than we can handle, so that we learn to more fully rely on the hope and promises that He does speak of in Scripture. As I watched this particular storm pass through and the next one roll in, I was amazed at how strongly the sun broke right through the darkest cloud, only to be obscured again within minutes as the next storm rolled in. How do we know we can survive when grief and disaster seem to obscure our vision of God? I believe that we must not always rely on our hearts, but to force our minds into action, as difficult as that can be. As I looked at this picture, I realized that even though the clouds came and brought intense rain, cold and wind, the sun never "disappeared". Behind all of those intense clouds, the sun was still there, it never moved from its righteous place in the heavens. As it is with God. In the middle of all that is happening around us, we must remember that God never moves from His place either. His promises are still true, and his vow to grow us into maturity as His beloved children never changes. In Genesis, even when the sun had not been created and the world was dark, we are told that His spirit hovered over the dark waters. That is true comfort. I can truly say now with honesty that I can't handle all situations by own effort. I CAN rely on the God I cannot always see or feel, I just need to remember his unchanging love and comfort, promised to each one of us. I have learned to appreciate the sun when it breaks through the clouds and the weather calms. I have also come to realize that even when the sun cannot be seen, it is still there, never changing.

We'll Remember the Alamo

Blessing. Comfort. Wisdom. Encouragement. Laughter. Fun. Joy. Gift.

Sister in Heart

All these words fit together in the person of my friend Jennifer. We met while our husbands were laboring through seminary, and we were trying to figure out who the heck we were and were about to become. We worked them through to their Masters in Divinity in our fields of expertise, nursing and teaching. Somehow in the middle of it all we found a friendship that would last until our last breath here on earth and beyond. Since semninary we have always found ourselves at least a thousand miles apart. In physical distance that is. In the spiritual realm, she is always with me, praying for me, cheering me on, oh,and free minutes on the cell phone are an extra gift from God. We have 5 great boys between us, even if almost all of them are teenagers. She bested me by having a third. It was for the best I believe. I think of the times we have been able to actually see each other, 5 I think. Everytime has been an adventure and a memory to keep us going until the next time we meet. We have explored the California Gold Country, San Francisco, Blackbeard the Pirate's home town, the Outer Banks of NC, and this time, we headed to the Alamo. If we had just stayed at her home, it would have been adventure enough for both of us! We spent a week working through our lives, joys and uh...small tribulations that disrupt our normal crazy life. We also took a one night trip to San Antonio and explored the River Walk, and the Alamo. History always touches me, to walk where our great Country and imperfect but great men and women trod before us. Best part was just talking, laughing, eating, and buying our way through the experience. I always buy more than Jennifer. I always wish I was more like her. She says she wishes she was more like me. We probably would not be as good of friends if we were. I always learn something of great value in her wisdom and her gentle spirit. She is pretty darn funny too. I need to laugh more. She needs to move closer because I am not going anywhere. Did you read that part Jennifer? I mean it! I miss her so much my heart actually hurts sometimes, but then I pull out the pictures and laugh and cry, and know that God will provide a way for more adventure in the future. Until then, we will still be sister chicks, living in the world of men. The only female contact we have inside the house is a dog. Some people live life with many friends they see all the time, but I have the priveldege of having a heart friend who is only a cell phone away, but in the best way, always there in spirit. Until we meet again, we will remember the Alamo. I love you Jennifer!

Trees

One Generation plants and nurtures trees; Another receives the shade..............

Chinese Proverb

In Memory of Rob Frost

How is it possible to meet a man and get to know him briefly for a week and mourn his passing and feel as though you have known him all of your life? If the man is Rob Frost and you had ever met him, you could understand.We had been connected with Rob through Share Jesus for many years, we had heard so many wonderful things about him, but it was different to meet him. The first thing the boys said was "He looks like Austin Powers!" It didn't help matters that Rob is from Britain either. Then as the week went on, and they experienced the person of Rob Frost, they started calling him Rob.We knew much about Rob, but as we watched him, we saw a love so deep within his soul for his Savior that it burst forth to touch every person at camp. He touched Daniel because of his son Andy, who treated an impressionable young 12 year old as a good friend from the moment he met him, even though Andy was 10 years older. Rob's eyes always hinted at fun and adventure in one moment, and tears for the plight of his fellow man the next. It is hard to put into words how gentle and passionate and funny and sweet he was, he loved to laugh, he loved life, it was apparent that his wife and family were his greatest love on this earth, and that he would go to the ends of the earth to reach other for his greatest love in life, Jesus Christ. I am sure Rob would be the first one to tell you he was not perfect, but it surely seemed that he enjoyed most every minute of his life with passion and joy. I felt as though we could not ever have enough time with this man and his thoughts and heart as we left RCP that year, but yet so thankful that maybe we brought a little of his excitement for Jesus and life home with us. He had so much life in him it is almost impossible to believe that he is no longer with us. His life and work will never end, as it lives on through his closest family and friends, and through those who came to know Jesus through Rob. We grieve for his family, we grieve for a world in need of many more men like Rob. Rob was a man after God's own heart. We thank God for his life. I really do hope there is surfing in Heaven.