The Future

I am looking at the future, and it is a wonderful thing to see. Andy was invited by one of his favorite directors; Scott Derrickson to sit on the set of a film that he is directing. We flew to Vancouver and he was able to shadow and listen in on the filming and blocking, talk to propmasters, CGI creators, stand -ins and costumers and Scott Derrickson's assistant. I thought as I sat and watched everything go on around me. Will this overwhelm him, or inspire him? The atmosphere on set was tremendous. I am sure that there were times that tempers would flare, but Andy watched a great example of a director who was very grounded and respectful of all those he worked for. The more I watched him work, the more he reminded me of Andy, so focused, so intense, but with a strong sense of confidence and humor. This is my favorite picture of the trip, Andy watching the two directors blocking some shots. Andy left even more inspired to pursue what he believes is a call to film direction. I dream and pray this for him as I watch him grow and become a man who knows to trust God with his dreams. It is a gift to be his mom.

Mom

Mom left earth for eternity last week. It was so fast that it is hard to process my feelings and thoughts right now. Joy in knowing she is with Jesus and my Dad whom she missed so very much. Sorrow deep within that has only surfaced during the strangest moments. Compassion for knowing how much she went through, peace in looking back at how God seemed to be so involved in the details when she left. She had friends, new and old. She was going out more. The day before she died she was able to share her unused airline ticket to send her oldest grandson to Vancouver on a trip the trip of his life (so far). I called her to tell her how grateful and excited we were to be able to go. It was a really great conversation. The last few months we made some terrific memories together. John and I took her up to Apple Hill in the Fall. It was such a beautiful day and we actually talked her into buying a shirt she liked. I felt a great sense of accomplishment that day! She is even wearing it in this picture that I took at Thanksgiving. The holidays were the best we had been able to share in years because she was feeling better, and we all felt better too. I honored my mom. God says that every mother is worthy of honor. I wish I could have had time to say goodbye, that I could have looked in her eyes and really see her say she loved me, not to hear, just to see. The song "Beauty from Pain" has been running through my mind since last Thursday when I held her hand and kissed her goodbye. I really hope that she heard me tell her I loved her. The Dr. said that she couldn't, but only God knows.

After all this has passed

I still will remain.

After I've cried my last,

There'll be beauty from pain.

You will bring beauty from my pain.

King is King

Dale was chosen as Mr Atwater last night! What a fun night with a happy ending. Of course Andy filmed the whole thing and we were all there to cheer him on as he read his own original poetry...such as "Man in my Trash Can". He led an AHS cheer in the spirit competion as the crowd responded with wild enthusiasm, and when asked if he could choose the brain of a famous woman to inhabit his own, after a brief thought came to his head, that he would NEVER want a woman's brain, he responded with "Super Woman, because she must have super brain power!" My favorite moment was as he appeared in the swim suit competition with a shower cap,towel around his waste and the rubber duckie from our hot tub. He proceeded to pretend to shower and turned around to see the crowd and almost fainted from surprse. No, that really wasn't my favorite moment. The best moment was when they called his name as the new Mr. Atwater. The good guys still do win. :)

My Winter Rose

I walked out the door this morning and was taken by a winter rose in my front garden. It had rained all night, actually it had rained for a week with only spots of sunshine, but here was one rose, the only flower in my garden. Daniel gave me this rose bush when he was two years old for Mother's Day. I wanted to remember it. On this dreary, cold day, God blessed me with the gift of a Winter Rose. Unexpected. Beautiful. Simple. Isn't that just like you God to brighten my day like that. Thank-you for every gift that comes to me in this way. May I never be too busy to notice.

Storms

Last week we had storms. One right after the other. Beautiful dark rolling clouds. About every two hours the sun would burst in and it looked like heaven sought to break through the darkness. Often times we as Christians speak of the storms of life. We speak of how storms come and go in life, that God allows these troubles, and we proclaim how he gets us through them. The sun will come out tomorrow, right? How does he actually do that? Many people believe that the Bible tells us that God will not give us anything we cannot handle. That is a wrong assumption, there is no verse in scripture that gives us that promise. I believe that God does give us more than we can handle, so that we learn to more fully rely on the hope and promises that He does speak of in Scripture. As I watched this particular storm pass through and the next one roll in, I was amazed at how strongly the sun broke right through the darkest cloud, only to be obscured again within minutes as the next storm rolled in. How do we know we can survive when grief and disaster seem to obscure our vision of God? I believe that we must not always rely on our hearts, but to force our minds into action, as difficult as that can be. As I looked at this picture, I realized that even though the clouds came and brought intense rain, cold and wind, the sun never "disappeared". Behind all of those intense clouds, the sun was still there, it never moved from its righteous place in the heavens. As it is with God. In the middle of all that is happening around us, we must remember that God never moves from His place either. His promises are still true, and his vow to grow us into maturity as His beloved children never changes. In Genesis, even when the sun had not been created and the world was dark, we are told that His spirit hovered over the dark waters. That is true comfort. I can truly say now with honesty that I can't handle all situations by own effort. I CAN rely on the God I cannot always see or feel, I just need to remember his unchanging love and comfort, promised to each one of us. I have learned to appreciate the sun when it breaks through the clouds and the weather calms. I have also come to realize that even when the sun cannot be seen, it is still there, never changing.

We'll Remember the Alamo

Blessing. Comfort. Wisdom. Encouragement. Laughter. Fun. Joy. Gift.

Sister in Heart

All these words fit together in the person of my friend Jennifer. We met while our husbands were laboring through seminary, and we were trying to figure out who the heck we were and were about to become. We worked them through to their Masters in Divinity in our fields of expertise, nursing and teaching. Somehow in the middle of it all we found a friendship that would last until our last breath here on earth and beyond. Since semninary we have always found ourselves at least a thousand miles apart. In physical distance that is. In the spiritual realm, she is always with me, praying for me, cheering me on, oh,and free minutes on the cell phone are an extra gift from God. We have 5 great boys between us, even if almost all of them are teenagers. She bested me by having a third. It was for the best I believe. I think of the times we have been able to actually see each other, 5 I think. Everytime has been an adventure and a memory to keep us going until the next time we meet. We have explored the California Gold Country, San Francisco, Blackbeard the Pirate's home town, the Outer Banks of NC, and this time, we headed to the Alamo. If we had just stayed at her home, it would have been adventure enough for both of us! We spent a week working through our lives, joys and uh...small tribulations that disrupt our normal crazy life. We also took a one night trip to San Antonio and explored the River Walk, and the Alamo. History always touches me, to walk where our great Country and imperfect but great men and women trod before us. Best part was just talking, laughing, eating, and buying our way through the experience. I always buy more than Jennifer. I always wish I was more like her. She says she wishes she was more like me. We probably would not be as good of friends if we were. I always learn something of great value in her wisdom and her gentle spirit. She is pretty darn funny too. I need to laugh more. She needs to move closer because I am not going anywhere. Did you read that part Jennifer? I mean it! I miss her so much my heart actually hurts sometimes, but then I pull out the pictures and laugh and cry, and know that God will provide a way for more adventure in the future. Until then, we will still be sister chicks, living in the world of men. The only female contact we have inside the house is a dog. Some people live life with many friends they see all the time, but I have the priveldege of having a heart friend who is only a cell phone away, but in the best way, always there in spirit. Until we meet again, we will remember the Alamo. I love you Jennifer!

Trees

One Generation plants and nurtures trees; Another receives the shade..............

Chinese Proverb

In Memory of Rob Frost

How is it possible to meet a man and get to know him briefly for a week and mourn his passing and feel as though you have known him all of your life? If the man is Rob Frost and you had ever met him, you could understand.We had been connected with Rob through Share Jesus for many years, we had heard so many wonderful things about him, but it was different to meet him. The first thing the boys said was "He looks like Austin Powers!" It didn't help matters that Rob is from Britain either. Then as the week went on, and they experienced the person of Rob Frost, they started calling him Rob.We knew much about Rob, but as we watched him, we saw a love so deep within his soul for his Savior that it burst forth to touch every person at camp. He touched Daniel because of his son Andy, who treated an impressionable young 12 year old as a good friend from the moment he met him, even though Andy was 10 years older. Rob's eyes always hinted at fun and adventure in one moment, and tears for the plight of his fellow man the next. It is hard to put into words how gentle and passionate and funny and sweet he was, he loved to laugh, he loved life, it was apparent that his wife and family were his greatest love on this earth, and that he would go to the ends of the earth to reach other for his greatest love in life, Jesus Christ. I am sure Rob would be the first one to tell you he was not perfect, but it surely seemed that he enjoyed most every minute of his life with passion and joy. I felt as though we could not ever have enough time with this man and his thoughts and heart as we left RCP that year, but yet so thankful that maybe we brought a little of his excitement for Jesus and life home with us. He had so much life in him it is almost impossible to believe that he is no longer with us. His life and work will never end, as it lives on through his closest family and friends, and through those who came to know Jesus through Rob. We grieve for his family, we grieve for a world in need of many more men like Rob. Rob was a man after God's own heart. We thank God for his life. I really do hope there is surfing in Heaven.

Everything

Sent to me by a friend today... I get goosebumps even after the third time watching it. Don't we all feel attacked and trapped sometimes by the darkness of Satan's world? Thank you Jesus for fighting for me and my heart every day.



http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

The Pastor's Life

I found this picture in a magazine. It was entitled "The Pastor's Life". Wow. It said more to me than a thousand words; at least any I have read to try to explain my husband's life. Every hand in this picture has been a part of 20 years of ministry. There have always been more offerings fragrant roses, praying hands, and others holding him up. I would always prefer the hands clasped in love or the hands reaching out for help, but sometimes the fist or the pointing hand come. Those are the most painful, the hardest to accept, the most difficult to forgive, and most heart wrenching to let go of. These hands have always been a chance to learn from, and the most difficult to discern. I must choose to stay focused on the most precious times of ministry, but recently it has not been easy. Tears come easily when I think of those I have loved and prayed for, served and shared life and laughed with who have left. I am learning (after 20 years!) that I must make the choice to find life's lessons through these times, not to become embittered, which by Satan's hand is too easy. I will follow the path of God's leading, focus on the love I am surrounded by, not by what I have lost. I don't know that I will ever have a grasp on the Call to Ministry. It is a mystery infused with great joy, great heartache, great adversity and a heart full of love, even those that the world would call unlovable. Jesus would call me to give grace, find the best in every person and situation, (especially my husband!) and most importantly, count the blessings. I have seen my husband bring hope to those in situations that would seem hopeless, bring more joy to a beautiful moment in time, and comfort to those whose grief feels unbearable, and share the beginning of a New life in Christ that was once lost. Not by himself, but Christ working through him. I will continue to abide in Christ for the courage to live and learn as I walk this imperfect path of an imperfect life. Tears also come easily also when I think of the miracles, the sharing and sacrifice of others, and the hearts that love purely that I have been privileged to see with my very eyes, and experience even for myself because of The Pastor's Life.

Extreme Hide and Seek

These are the shoes that play Extreme Hide and Seek. It was the hit of the summer with Andy and his friends. They played it at least twice a week before the bugs got bad. They played it out in the dead of night at a friend's property with 2 acres, and they played it on the concrete wth lights at Atwater High School. They fell through plastic covering feed for animals, fell into bogs, and ran into trees. There are rules. ....The rules are:
Two people are it. They have to count to 100 before searching for everyone . Everyone hides. If you are found you can run. You're not it until you are tagged.
The game is over when two people have been tagged.
Sometimes we set up boundaries. It struck me as curious how much this "game" describes a lot of us. While hiding, the kids get dirty, afraid (it's hecka dark out there), and the adrenaline is pumping like crazy. They become paranoid at the smallest noise, fearing they have been discovered. When we hide our feelings, our comings and goings, our inner thoughts, it can be dangerous. When our hiding becomes a dark secret, we feel dirty, and if it becomes apparent our hiding is going to be discovered, paranoia and fear set in. We sweat. Why? Because from the beginning of time, hiding has never been a positive experience. Think about Adam and Eve. They hid from God. They hid so that He would not discover their disobedience to Him. When we try to hide from God and others our darkness or hurt, our past, even our dreams, it is almost certain we will hit an unexpected force, that compels us to be found. When someone discovers us, someone who is safe, and we are caught, we shouldn't keep running until we have to be tackled or pinned to the ground, we should give up and allow ourselves to be found. The One who always knows where we are hiding desires us to be found. On the other hand, seeking can be good. We were never meant to hide in a muddy bog or exhaust ourselves trying to find a better hiding place. When we seek and find out the truth, in ourselves and others, we break the bonds of fear and darkness, and when Light reveals the hiding places, it can be embarrassing, but don't we always feel better? The game is over, we can rest. We feel good when we are not the ones hiding anymore. We always given a new chance to seek. Hide and Seek was always a nervewracking game for me, unless I was the one who was found and was given the chance to seek. THAT was always pure relief to me. Take a chance. Stop hiding. Be the one seeking the Truth that will dissolve our fears, release us from darkness, and keep us out of the mud in the dark.

My Humble Hero

I am way behind on summer memories! One of my favorite moments that will stay with me always is one of Daniel's last baseball games of the summer. It was the bottom of the 6th, (last inning) one out. Daniel dinked a ball into the infield and and beat it out for a single,still one out. Next batter up, Daniel steals 2nd on the first pitch, and advances to 3rd on a ground ball that produced the 2nd out. I look over at Daniel. I know the Jackie Robinson steal home stance, and he's got it, along with the look in his eyes. Every parent around me knows that in order to win this game, Daniel has to steal home. Coach told him if he thought he could do it, go for it. I have no breath left in my lungs. The ball is pitched. It lands in the dirt, and rolls to the side of the catcher. Before the catcher even knows it. Daniel is sliding into home. Safe! Atwater wins the game! The crowd roars, the players pour out of the dugout, and I breathe and cheer at the same time, I think. I just know that it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Daniel is my hero, my humble hero. He knows that all the gifts he has been given are from God, and he uses them the way God would desire. He never struts, he always smiles, leads with encourgement to others, and plays his best with all his heart. There is no halfway for this ballplayer of mine. Play to win. Live for Christ. I love you son, and I am so proud that you stole home to win the game, but I am prouder of the young man you are becoming.

"There are two kinds of trouble in this world...living and dying.
Lindsay Buckingham

Best Friends and Laundry

This is Andy and Dale. They were born within a month of each other in 1990. They met in 1st grade. They have been best friends ever since. These boys are now 16, live 3 doors down, both about to get their driver's license, and they think WAY too much alike. This is the story of Dale's laundry and their friendship. It all began with the problem of the modern invention of the dryer vs. the hot summer sun. The first strange occurrence was when I went into the garage, and noticed the dryer running, and a strange laundry basket sitting near the dryer. Hmmm, I thought, how could this be? Andy barely knows how to use the dryer (my fault). Matt our youth pastor had come over for dinner before the high school Bible Study. As he and Andy were getting ready to leave, Andy recieves a random thought: "I have to bring Dale his laundry!" and he runs to the garage. He returns with the unfamiliar laundry basket and all of Dale's favorite shirts, his shorts and all his underwear. Andy reveals the mystery. "Dale's dad told him not to use the dryer,and to hang up his shirts, but he just brought them over HERE to dry" Oh. I thought. Matt is laughing hysterically, I can't believe what they have done, I thought laundry meant the wet shirts and bathing suits, but no,their wet shirts and bathing suits were were still laying ON the bathroom floor. So, I did whatever any self respecting mother of a teen would do. I yelled and laughed so hard at the same time I could not really be understood. I start to take all of Dales underwear and hang it over the basket, because Andy has informed me that he needs to return it to Dale so he wear his favorite shirt to youth group. "MOM, this is not your business!" he so loyally declares. "Did you ask me if you could dry his clothes?" "No, I thought it would be fine" he replies calmly. And so Andy dutifully heads down the street to deliver the basket to his best friend, dropping a pair of underwear in the street without noticing on the way. Then John and I watch from a hidden location as Dale's mom watches Andy bring her laundry basket down the street. As Andy explains, the look on her face turns from confusion to disbelief to horrified in about 10 seconds. Dad is looking out the window, and we wouldn't be able to accurately explain his reaction, but we were guessing. As we are uncontrollably laughing, trying to think about how we would react if the shoe was on the proverbally other foot, We realized that we would be SO embarrassed. Matt took Dale's underwear to youth group and shared the entire sordid story with all the high schoolers, and we enjoyed a good laugh with Dale's mom after we talked her out of her embarrassment. Dale came by with a zucchini plant with extremely remorseful eyes. We all realized that we are blessed. If that is the worst thing they ever do in collusion this is good. Even if it was just laundry, I am impressed with the incredible friendship and loyalty which has endured between these two for so many years, and I know many years to come. I called Dale's father this morning, told him this was the neighborhood laundry service, checking to see if he needed to have any clothes dried. His reply was "Oh....Lordy." I am still laughing. I will use this story someday...most likely at Dale's wedding. :)

Legacy

Yesterday, John officiated at the 50th anniversary of Willie and Maggie Bostick. Willie and Maggie became members of our church when the Air Force base shut down, probably 15 years ago now. We loved them the minute they stepped into the door, something about the twinkle in their eyes for each other and the people of the church. I can't even remember how many years ago they left to retire in Florida, to live in the neighborhood that Willie was born in. It had become a much different place, but anywhere they go Willie and Maggie seem to make a difference. John received a call about 2 months ago asking if he would officiate at their re-committment, Willie said it was NOT renewal, because their love DID NOT need to be renewed. :) Willie and Maggie have 4 children, 7 grandchildren, and a whole lot of other people they have opened their lives to that they consider family. Today I just loved to sit and embrace the love that filled that room, and think about how one marriage could affect so many lives. No one tried to pretend that their lives were perfect, but the family was built on faith, love and honesty.That seemed to be enough for every child and grandchild, each with a strong faith in God,each with a story to tell. My favorite moment was when everyone had just finished dancing, and Willie pulled every one of his children into his and Maggie's arms, and they just stood on the dance floor, holding each other as Willie spoke. I wish I could have heard what he said. Whatever it was, it was a momet they will never forget. May our family carry on a legacy of love and laughter as this one has. So many events we go to I feel like bolting out the door after we stay 5 minutes. I could have stayed at the 50th wedding anniversary of Willie and Maggie Bostick for a long, long time. Love was in the house. Blessings to you both, I gained wisdom from you both in the time we have spent together. I thank you for a little slice of the boundless, precious, imperfect but eternal love you have shown to us through your commitment to marriage and life together.

"Love is in the house and the house is packed, so much so I left the back door cracked, Mama always said it's a matter of fact that when love is in the house the house is packed.....Love is in the house and the house is packed, so much so I left the back door cracked Daddy always said that I wish I was black cuz when love is in the house the house is packed..." Toby Mac